not to homestuck on main or whatever, but this conversation conveys a bunch of shit about being Not Straight that I really can’t, and I love it a lot for that.
Me: “Oh boy! Time to play Friendsim Volume 4!” Me: “Let’s see what’s in store for me, a fellow bronze blood lover who loves Tavros, Skylla, and can’t wait to play Vikare’s route!
MC who stood up to merula, professors love, advance in every class, duel master, first on the leaderboard ahead of the second person by like 150 points: *breathes*
Prefect: i Do E vE RyT hInG fOR thISSS fU CkiNG HOUSE
I was joining random dating sites and i came across one called “Top Tier” which was apparently only for very rich people with high IQs. Only, there was no vetting process so i figured it was just for pompous assholes who thought they were top tier.
I signed up to see what it was like. The color scheme of the site was yellow on black. You had to select one of three options indicating if you were single or not. I don’t remember what the first two were, but the third one was, “you can go to hell,” which meant that for whichever reason, you weren’t interested in anyone. If you chose this option you couldn’t even search the site, so I backed up and chose a different option.
I found Uma Thurman on the site and jokingly sent her a date request, but she actually accepted and now I had a date with her set for tomorrow evening. I was in a panic because I didn’t want to date Uma Thurman. In the dream, she was known for being mean. I was still stressing about how I was gonna break this date, when I woke up.
again, I really need to read the usernames on this fucking site
“THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE FUCKER. I WARNED YOU” Karkat cocks his gun.
YOU’RE A DAMN FOOL, KARKIT LANTIS
I’VE ALREADY BEGUN MY ASCENSION
AND THIS TIME
YOU’LL HAVE A LOT MORE TROUBLE
GETTIN THE SAND OUTTA YER EYES
Karkat’s eyes widen in surprise. He would need a bigger gun. The Tardis teleports behind the blacknette troll. He reaches inside and pulls out an RPG. “BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I HAVE EYES”
Dale Gribble suddenly realized the trouble he may have been in. He was facing the greatest possible adversary that he could, in this position. He had successfully charged his most successful Pocket Sand Blast yet, but was faced with an obstacle he had only conceptualized in the deepest and darkest of his nightmares–his opponent’s possible lack of eyes.
He had not prepared for this. He began to accept his fate, but before he could completely give up, the voice of his mentor rang clearly in his head:
Ya gotta do this, Dale. The voice said. Think of the people yer lettin’ down. Think of Bobby. Think of Joseph. Think of….well, think of me, gotdangit. I love you, Dale. I always have. I always will. Get through this. For me, Dale. For….for us.
I’LL DO IT, HANKIE, Dale screamed, tears rushing down his face,
I’LL DO IT FOR US!
… … … D-Dale? … … … Please be okay, Dale, please, I need you, … … … Dale…I’m so sorry. I pushed you too hard. Please, Dale, where are you? Dale, I love you, please–
TO HAVE EYES, KARKIT CLAN TAG,
IS NOT THE SAME AS SEEING.
TIME IS SAND THROUGH AN HOURGLASS. I HAVE IT IN MY FUCKING POCKET, MORTAL. PREPARE TO DIE.
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