anarchetypal:

i was talking to my cousin yesterday and he was talking about an accidental mistake he was dealing with, and proceeded to describe it as, “i picked a whole fuckin’ bouquet of whoopsie-daisies” and tbh i’m still thinking about it

hermajestymanon:

schakira:

teaandinanity:

itsoktobemarty:

when you’re in your twenties and start to realize how young the protagonists of the novels you read are:

And at some point the protagonist goes,

And you just go,

#bonus points if you started out reading them when they were older than you and you grow up and surpass them and it’s just holy shit [x]

*nervous laughter*

lilttlekingtrashmouth:

Myself @ me: you need to wake up earlier so you don’t waste the day
Me @ myself: sorry I was sleeping and just saw this lol wyd

petalphan:

and what a journey it has been

* 　　 *
. ✹ . 　 ✫ · 　
˚ 　 ✺ … 　　　.
* ✧ 　.　　 .
˚ * ✵ ✫ · . ✵

fernando-aye:

lmao remember when we all used to be straight™ in 2012

teamfreekickass:

I remember once I was talking to two guys and one of them was complaining about his parents when the second chimed in. “Try having four parents!”

We automatically assumed that he had divorced parents that got remarried. He corrected us; “No, there is a plot twist. My mom and dad never got married but had me. They were going to get married, but then my dad suddenly confessed he was gay. My mom was so relieved and said that she discovered she was a lesbian and was afraid to tell him. So they stayed together in the same house for me. Then eventually both got partners. So my dad has his husband and my mom has her wife.”

And the third kid just looks down at the ground for a really long time before whispering, “That’s gay. “

gaelfox:

These Inspirational Pups will hebrighten your day with words of wisdom. Available in many products, from stickers to cases to notebooks and apparel, on my Redbubble Store

dogiplier:

if lilly says you are not a douchebag then im sorry im entitled to believe her

(x)

There are only 2 genders:

doomy:

browningtons:

doomy:

– Home Depot
– Lowes

um sears? lol

damn sjw…

prokopetz:

Little-known downsides of immortality:

Tearing your favourite article of clothing and discovering that it’s
irreplaceable because the technique of its manufacture has been lost

Realising you’ve thought of the perfect comeback to someone who’s been dead for three hundred years

Not being able to eat your favourite dish anymore because the source of some critical ingredient has gone extinct

Having strong opinions about sports that are no longer played

Getting a song from the 13th Century stuck in your head and being unable to get it out because you don’t remember how it ends and you’re the only person on Earth who knows it

Having that perfect pun you’ve been waiting forever for a chance to use stop working due to linguistic drift