i’d do it all again (and again, and again) THE REWRITE

THIS IS THE LONG-AWAITED REWRITE OF ‘and in the end, i’d do it all again (and again, and again)’.
Now featuring: An updating schedule, a beta reader, and more!

“I remember I was in a car crash, but I was with someone – have you heard anything about someone named Dan? Dan Howell? He was in the car with me. Please, I need to know if he’s okay,”
Jay ducked his head. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Phil inhaled so sharply it whistled through his teeth. “Where is he? Is he…”
“He’s alive,” Jay reassured him, “But not in very good shape. His chances… aren’t great.”
“I need to see him, then. He’s-” Phil’s voice rasped and broke, his throat closing up and eyes itching with unshed tears. He struggled into a semi-upright position, his muscles protesting as he supported himself on the headboard of the hospital bed.
“I need to-”
“You can save him, if you hear me out.”
“You don’t understand, he’s- what?”


after Dan and Phil are in a car accident, both in bad shape and close to death, Phil is offered a choice- live through hundreds of alternate universes fighting for his and Dan’s only chance to get their lives back, or walk away and let Dan die.

read HERE

DIOSCURI – chapter 4

gemini book one of two // phandom big bang 2016

previous | masterpost | ao3 (recomended) | next

Author: @skyboidjh

Beta: @icomparemyselftoyou

Artist: @nataliadeluckah

Rating: PG-13

Summary:

colors whirling, thoughts flashing-it felt as if the butterflies in his stomach had lit themselves on fire.

“you weren’t supposed to find out…”

or, the one where Dan and Phil end up with superpowers, including the ability to feel each other’s emotions and hear each other’s thoughts, are declared threats and taken into custody by the government, Dan’s confused, and Phil has a secret.

Warnings: nondescriptive violence, acephobia, mild ableism

Word Count: 3580 for this chapter! (So Many in total)


Chapter 4

image

3:46PM @phantasticlions: guys. [https://twitter.com/purpleverence/status/801544721432793096 ] [https://twitter.com/bullshitphanfic/status/801544409363976193 ]

3:46PM @amazingangie: i’m kinda scared? my friend paige isnt responding to my texts and wasnt in school today and my anxiety is just overall going fucking nuts

3:46PM @lilphanficer: me too. my mom wont stop asking me what’s wrong and idk how to answer her, she hates the concept of youtube and would probably be glad that two of ‘those internet creeps’ were missing

3:47PM @sarulia1994: where tf are they?

3:47PM @phuttyandrutty: i dont know??? thts kind of the whole point of the situation no one knows

3:47PM @phantasticlions: dont get sassy and start drama clara that’s literally the last thing we need, demon phannies like you starting drama

3:48PM: @phuttyandrutty: wow i cant believe ur so mean to me 😩😩😩

3:49PM: @lilphanficer: y’all. rly?

3:57PM: @lilphanficer: sorry im just rly on edge and cant stand people joking about this, it’s serious

4:01PM: @phuttyandrutty: you’re right, you don’t have to apologize. These people on my tl joking about it are driving me nuts

4:02PM: @amazingangie: block their asses

4:02PM: @phuttyandrutty: im on it

4:05PM: @ghcstdicks: i just got online and saw im crying in math class what the fuck this is so scary

4:06PM: @amazingangie: [http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdcbi9ZuIt1rjd8x5o1_400.gif ]

-=II=-

  Dan squeezed his eyes shut at the sound of brakes squealing on asphalt, trying his best to calm his racing heart and ignore what he knew must’ve just happened before him. Not real not real not real not real…

  It had been exactly like Phil said, feet strapped to the ground, projector overhead and all around, the car…

  He felt sick.

  The straps at his feet were released and he was led over to a chair, where the next few minutes passed in a blur. Suddenly more people were entering the room, and Dan could feel their emotions from across the room- emotions that felt too intense, like they were forced, so strong that they seemed to be screaming at him even from a distance. He remembered Phil mentioning these- Anger, jealousy, happiness, fear, hope- negative and positive mixed around his head in a blur. Memories started to crowd in too as he moved down the line, all things that these people were deliberately remembering in order to force their emotion or things that had just happened. All of the thoughts were pushing and shoving and vying to be heard- one, belonging to the jealous man, seemed to jump out.

  It was a simple recent memory, of him walking into the room just moments ago. But it was pushing at Dan, prodding at and invading his every other thought- so Dan pushed back at it.

  He shoved it harder and harder, just wanting it to go away- until suddenly he was the jealous man, walking in through the door, seeing his own anxious face as he sat at the chair in the center of the room, white as a sheet.

  Then, the memory was gone.

  The jealous man flinched away from Dan’s brief touch as if doused in ice water, before looking around in a confused manner. His forced jealousy wavered and faded into confusion, and Dan could tell that that memory simply… wasn’t in his head anymore. But Dan could remember it so vividly, as if it had happened to himself.

  The people exited the room swiftly after that, as the jealous man had been last in line, leaving Dan alone with his assessment proctor once more.

-=II=-

  “What do you mean? Like, you actually erased it?”

  The whole group from the van were eating dinner together, crowded around a table in the mess hall- apparently this would be the normal eating space, they hadn’t used it at lunch because it was still being set up. Paige was leaning slightly over the table, staring at Dan in rapt fascination.

  “I think so,” he muttered. “Not just that, either. It was almost like I took it for myself. I can remember it clear as day, almost like it happened to me, but he can’t anymore.” There was something so horrifying about admitting that to himself, that he had actually taken a memory from someone and erased it from their awareness, without them ever knowing. It had only been a tiny memory, one that most likely wouldn’t ever affect them again, but the implications were much more massive.

  What about memories that were bigger? More significant? Weddings, childbirths, families… He could just erase massive parts of life, he realized, slumping down in his seat a bit further. He wouldn’t, of course, but he could.

  L’appel du vide, as he’d called it in a danisnotonfire video once. The call of the void. He never would do it, of course not, but he could.

  And that terrified him.

  Sensing Dan’s sudden discomfort and silence, Phil thankfully changed the subject. “So, did any of you guys find out any new powers?”

  “Apparently I can talk to plants,” Alan said, eliciting giggles from around the table.

  “What?” Phil asked with a laugh.

  “Yeah, of all the weird and useless powers in the world,”

  “Hey, I’d love to be able to do that!” Phil smiled, “I could finally get to know all of my houseplants.”

  “Has anyone seen Janice?” Dan asked suddenly, realizing that the woman was nowhere to be seen.

  “She was here for a little while, but she said she wasn’t hungry and left to go back to the dorm,” Alan replied.

  “That’s odd,” Aoife remarked, “Do you think she’s alright?”

  “I’m going to talk to her when we get back- I think for now she just needs to be alone for a bit- but anyways, the rest of you? New powers?”

  “They weren’t the ones to say it, but I’m pretty sure I’ve officially got future vision,” Ivan said with a sigh. “Last night I dreamed every single thing that would happen to me today, literally down to me telling you all this.”

  “Nothing new for me,” Paige responded. “Still just the moving things by thinking, and I’m still having a tough time controlling it.” She seemed a little disappointed with this.

  “They’re not sure what I can do,” Aoife said. “I haven’t got the foggiest idea either, honestly. I’m hoping that nothing does show up, after all. Alex, though…” She grinned widely. “He can project his thoughts into other people’s heads, it’s incredible. He can talk, sort of.”

  The little boy grinned as well, slumping down in his chair shyly as everyone turned to smile at him. A soft ‘hi’ seemed to echo around Dan’s brain, quiet, but definitely there. Everyone at the table was ecstatic, smiling and cheering him on. Paige had tears in her eyes, pausing in her rapid-fire sign language conversation with her brother to wipe at her eyes.

  “He’s still a bit more comfortable talking in BSL for now, as he’s still not used to it, so we’ll still have to translate for a bit. But… Alex can talk!” Paige couldn’t stop smiling, seeming to glow like the sun.

  Their excitement and congratulations were interrupted by an announcement over the loudspeakers, telling them that schedules would be passed out to everyone later that night, based on the results of their assessments. An uneasy murmur passed around the room, but everyone was still too excited to let it get to their table.

  They continued to chat away amicably for the rest of dinner, finally retiring to their rooms after a while.

  “Hey, guys?” Alan said, speeding up his stride to catch up to Dan and Phil as they began walking back, “Don’t ask Janice about her powers yet. I think she’s pretty freaked out about whatever happened and maybe we should wait for her to say something first, to give her a bit of space.”

  “Alright, that makes sense,” Phil agreed. “I hope she’s alright.”

  Sure enough, as they entered the room, Janice was facing away from them, rolled up in all of her blankets and curled into a ball.

  “We missed you at dinner, Janice,” Dan said hesitantly. She didn’t respond.

  “Hey, now that we’re back here, I can show you all what I got before you showed up!” Alan said, excitement in his voice. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a worn deck of cards. “One of the guards gave it to me, I had been trying some small talk to maybe learn some more about this place and he seemed pretty sympathetic when I talked about how little we had to do around here.”

  “That’s a good idea, thanks Alan,” Dan said.

  “What games do you guys know how to play? I was never really one for cards, so I’m not much use beyond Go Fish and Spoons…” Alan said.

  “Me too, just those and Snap,” Dan replied.

  “Same here,” Phil said.

  “I know poker,” Janice said from the corner, surprising them all, “Used to play in college. I dunno how good I’ll be at explaining, but I can give it a try.” She straightened up and scooted to the end of her mattress, avoiding everyone’s eyes. She began to explain in a soft tone, taking the cards from Alan and dealing them out properly. The game that ensued was slow-going, as everyone learned the rules and got a hold on the way everything worked, yet Janice remained patient and helpful as they went, taking her obvious victory with no more than a small nod and immediate redealing of the cards.

  The second game went a bit faster, Janice winning again. They re-shuffled and dealt the cards a third time, this time for a round of Go Fish, which was a much more quickly-paced and lively experience.

  Halfway through the second round, Janice finally spoke what had been almost visibly weighing her down.

  “I think I saw a dead person,” she said suddenly.

  Everyone looks up, staring at her in shock.

  “It was during my assessment, I didn’t- I didn’t see him, exactly, he was like a sort of blur, just standing next to the man who was doing all the tests. I don’t know how I knew he was a he, I just… felt it.”

  “Janice, that’s- I’m-” Dan tried to say something, but was unsure what he should say.

  “Really bad, yeah,” she laughed hollowly, “I just keep thinking, what if I were to see my dad? My grandparents? What if someone I knew a long time ago but never spoke to again shows up without me ever having known that they died? I don’t want this,” she put her cards down, hugging her legs to her chest.

  “How much sleep did you get last night? Maybe it was just…” Alan floundered around for an answer that never came.

  “I know it was real,” Janice shook her head. “I just… I need some time to come to terms with it, I-I’ll be fine…”

  “Let us know if we can do anything, okay?” Phil asked, brow furrowed.

  “I’ll be fine,” she snapped. She froze, casting them an apologetic look but not voicing an apology before continuing in a much softer voice. “So, Alan, want to learn Snap?”

-=II=-

  At eight o’clock that night exactly, four pieces of paper were slipped under the door and the loudspeaker crackled to life.

  “Attention. Timetables have just been distributed to your dormitory door. Do not damage or lose these papers, as they are the only copies you will receive. On each, you will find a name and revised ID number at the top of the page, followed by a weekly schedule. Each schedule is unique to the person named at the top of the document and them alone.

  “Some papers will only have a name and new ID number on them. Those that are named on papers with this information and this information only are expected to follow the directions listed below their information and bring that paper to Admissions by 8:30 PM sharp. If you are not present, punishment will be severe.

  “Please look over your schedules and report to Admissions if necessary. Lights will be turned out at 9:30 PM. Thank you for your cooperation.”

  Click.

  The rush towards the door was immediate after the loudspeaker was finished, everyone scrambling for their papers.

  Dan was the first to get to his, heart sinking in uncertainty as he saw that his paper held no schedule.

image

Please gather all personal belongings that may be in the dorms, including clothes and personal items.

Bring this form and personal items to the Admissions Office (see maps at the end of each hallway) by 8:30 PM.

  He moved out of the way so that everyone else could get their papers, sinking down onto his cot. Why was he going to Admissions? Why was he being singled out? What did the new ‘-06’ mean at the end of his ID number?

  “Oh,” Phil whispered as he picked up his own paper.

image

  He quickly walked over to Dan, grabbing his paper and feeling what felt like a ton of weight lifted from his chest when he saw that they were going to be doing the same thing. Surely everyone going to Admissions would be sticking together, right? But why? What for?

image

  Janice couldn’t stop the quick gasp from leaving her lips. There was no schedule here. They must’ve found out, he panicked brain supplies. They know what a freak you are. She dared to hope for a moment that it meant she was going home, but what if they really had found out about what she could do? There would be no letting her out of their sight if that was the case.

  “Who else has to go to Admissions?” She asked, voice surprisingly hollow, “Please, don’t tell me I’m the only one.”

  “Both of us,” Phil answered..

image

  “I’m… not going with you,” Alan groaned.

  “It’s not like you’re leaving though, right? Maybe they just need to give you special schedules or directions for some reason, and then you’ll be back?” Alan asked.

  “Lights go out at 9:30,” Phil pointed out. “This shouldn’t take too long, then.”

  “Yeah, they probably wouldn’t make us walk back in the dark.”

  “Guys, I hate to be the one to say it, but what if we’re not coming back? Going somewhere else, I mean,” Dan added cautiously.

  “But why us, then? What do the three of us have in common that Alan doesn’t?” Janice questioned.

  The group pored over the schedules for as long as they could, quickly ruling out their ID numbers (the first parts of them were similar, between 21 and 24, but the new second number seemed completely random) and powers. Soon, though, it was almost 8:30 and they couldn’t wait any longer without being late. Alan gave Janice a hug, awkward handshakes to Dan and Phil, and made them promise to be back before too long. It was a hopeful sort of goodbye, because what more could they ask for than hope?

-=II=-

  Admissions was the same as it had been when they had come through yesterday, now with about thirty people milling around, waiting for… whatever it was that they were supposed to be waiting for.

  Dan clutched tightly onto his pyjamas, which he had changed out of shortly after arriving- yes, comforts of home were nice, but they were bright blue cookie monster pants and a slightly too-small white shirt- no matter how desperate he was to keep that little bit of home and comfort with him, there was no way that he’d walk around a building full of strangers in those for any longer than he had to.

  He glanced around the room, scoping out the people for any hints as to why they were here. No characteristic seemed to be shared between them, at least not one he could see at first glance.

  Suddenly, he spotted a familiar shock of curly brown hair across the room. Paige. Thank God for a familiar face. He, Janice, and Phil immediately strode up to her, struck with worry when they saw that neither her parents nor brother were there.

  She turned to them with worry in her eyes, but seeming slightly relieved to see them.

  “Where’re the others?”

  “They had to stay behind, Mom tried to come with me anyways, but they wouldn’t let her. Why the hell are we here?”

  “No idea. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

  As if on cue, the muttering crowd all around them fell silent for a moment, then roared wildly with shouts and questions. From Dan’s height-advantaged position, he could see the top of a blonde head weaving through the crowd, before hopping up onto a small raised platform to one side. It was Amelia Hartford.

  The questions and yells grew even louder now that everyone could see her, though she seemed unbothered by the noise.
  “When are we going home?”

  “What do you want with us now?”

  “Are we leaving?”

  “Let me out!”

  After a few seconds, Amelia appeared to have heard enough, raising one hand in a gesture for silence. It worked, everyone wanting to hear the answers to their inquiries.

  “You all are a group of extraordinarily gifted individuals,” she began, “and talent like that needs closer… guidance. From here, you all will be moved out to another location-”

  Outraged cries followed this, and she held up her hand again, but this time, the gesture was ignored.  “SILENCE!” She finally shouted after a few other failed attempts at peace, shocking most of the crowd back into noiselessness.

  “At this new location, you will receive better accommodations, more personalized power control lessons, and chances to help improve the world with your gifts.”

  “But what about my family!” Paige shouted, having finally recollected herself from the shock of the news. “They’re still here, I can’t leave without them!” This was met with scattered shouts of agreement throughout the crowd.

  Amelia continued as if nothing had been said. “Now, everyone, proceed out the door to your left in a calm and orderly fashion. A bus is waiting outside, please take a seat and we will be leaving momentarily.” She smiled sweetly and began to step down from her platform, suddenly surrounded by guards on all sides. The door she had mentioned swung open, and those near it flinched away as if it held an angry lion just outside.

  “Go on then, I’ll be with you in a moment!” Amelia said, now out of sight.

  No one moved.

  The guards that lined the room started to step towards the center, shoving everyone forwards.

  Outside of the door were more guards, providing no chance for escape, almost seeming to herd them towards their destination. A large, black bus loomed ahead in the dark with thick, blacked-out windows and wide tires.

  “Where are we going!?” Another voice shouted.

  Dan did his best to stick with his group as they were shoved along, finally giving in and clutching onto Phil’s hand tightly.

  The colors swirling around him were darker than usual, more invisible with the black night sky above. Phil’s fear, worry, and a bit of anger all settled in the pit of Dan’s stomach like a rock alongside his own feelings. Phil’s outraged thoughts and desperation were a constant tug in his chest, paired with worry’s cloud and… something else, egging him on.

  The crowd of people were shoved into a sort of rough line, most groups struggling to stick together in the chaos of it all.

  Inside, the bus seemed fairly nice, with rows of cushioned seats (although the pattern on them was truly awful, like a rainbow threw up) and lights all around. Each row had four seats in total, with a narrow walkway running down the middle to split the rows into two and two, lit up by ridiculous flashing pink and purple lights. Dan and Phil made their way to the back of the bus, almost tripping several times in the narrow space as they ducked to avoid the ceiling.

  They sat down uncomfortably, pulling their legs up as best as they could- being tall really did have its disadvantages- and buckled their seatbelts as the rest of the group filed in. Paige and Janice chose the seats across from them.

  At one point, a man had stopped, right in the middle of the aisle, trying to turn around and get back to someone sitting further up the bus. The confusion and fear of the people all around was so strong that it leaked off them in waves, making Dan nauseous. The guards started shouting at the man who had stopped and Dan leaned back in his seat, eyes closed in an attempt to alleviate his oncoming headache.

  “You alright?” Phil asked, noticing his friend’s face had gone suddenly paler.

  “Everyone’s feeling too much. Making me a bit dizzy.”

  “Sorry,” Phil said, wishing he could do something to help.

  “Not your fault,” Dan replied, “Just need to get some sleep or something.”

  “Alright,” Phil said, “I’ll try to think about happy things, if that helps.”

 Dan opened his eyes for a moment, shooting Phil a grateful smile before returning to the brink of sleep again.

[next chapter]

DIOSCURI – chapter 3

gemini book one of two // phandom big bang 2016

previous | masterpost | ao3 (recomended) | next

Author: @skyboidjh

Beta: @icomparemyselftoyou

Artist: @nataliadeluckah

Rating: PG-13

Summary:

They really didn’t ask for this.
colors whirling, thoughts flashing-
It all happened so suddenly, and then their lives were so different.
it felt as if the butterflies in his stomach had lit themselves on fire.
Then, of course, they’d been taken, and met the others-
you weren’t supposed to find out…
The rest is history.

or, the one where Dan and Phil end up with superpowers after a freak accident, including the ability to feel each other’s emotions, are declared threats by the government, and Phil has a secret.

Warnings: nondescriptive violence, acephobia, mild ableism

Word Count: 4382 for this chapter! (So Many in total)

  Twenty-four.

  The tiny number seemed a bit underwhelming, compared to the long string of digits one might imagine when hearing ‘identification number’, but Dan supposed that with so few people being assigned them in the building, it made sense.

  The living assignments given to them were diminutive, the room being mostly taken up by four uncomfortable-looking cots and a small dresser, holding what appeared to be four sets of basic baggy clothes- denim pants, grey cotton shirts. Dan and Phil had been lucky enough to be housed together with Alan and Janice, so at least they had already met the people who they were staying with once, rather than being housed with complete strangers.

  Official schedules were going to be handed out later, in their place they had been given a time to show up at something called ‘individual assessment” at varying times throughout the day. Phil’s slot was at 12:30 PM, and Dan’s was at 3PM. They were told to stay in their rooms until they were given further instructions via intercom or until the time for their assessment came.

  The clock above their door read only 10:30 AM, but it felt like it had been years since they had left the hotel that morning. A guard had come and gone with breakfast trays, which lay abandoned and empty next to the door.

  Dan and Phil were stretched out across the crappy cots, watching the time and letting their minds wander (there was basically nothing entertaining to do in the tiny room, much to their dismay). At about this time, in two days, they’d be expected at Summer in the City, just starting to get glimpses of the forming line of excited fans, all on their toes in anticipation of two people that wouldn’t be there. Surely they might realize something was wrong soon, Phil reasoned with himself. Both Dan and himself usually tweeted at least once a day, and while missing one day could be seen as normal, two days, especially before a big event like this, would definitely be out of character. He desperately wished that someone might have noticed their absence already, but knew that there was no way. They didn’t have any plans for the next two days leading up to SITC, the soonest they’d be definitely noted as missing would be when their friends saw that they weren’t at the party on the first day of the event.

  Their contemplative silence was interrupted by shouting coming from somewhere down the corridor that housed all the dorms. Phil recognized Janice’s voice ringing loud and clear, apparently shouting at a guard as she was led back to the dorm.

  “I just want to know about my kids! Please, they were in the hotel room with me this morning, I have to know where they are and that they’re safe!” Her voice grew closer, and Dan pulled on the doorknob only to find it locked. Alan had joined them by the door, exchanging worried glances with the other two.

  The door finally burst open, revealing Janice, led in struggling and shouting by two massive guards.

  “I just want to know about my kids!” She screamed, voice breaking on a sob, thrashing around in their tight grips on her arms. “I just want to know if they’re okay!”

  The guards led her over to the cot nearest the door- which happened to be her own- and gently (as gently as two massively muscular and intimidating guards could manage) sat her down. They attempted to placate her screaming and crying to no avail, whispered attempts at consolation and tentative pats on the shoulder doing nothing to change the fact that they had no idea where her children were. Eventually the two had no other choice but to leave, making promises that rung empty in their eyes about ‘checking the records’ and ‘keeping an eye out’ for the two boys Janice had described to them as they were called elsewhere by walkie-talkies hung on their belts. Dan eyed their compassionate glances at Janice as they left with caution, realizing that these guards may not be the horrible people they seemed to be, yet still suspicious of their motivations.

  As soon as the guards were out of the door, Dan, Phil, and Alan gathered around Janice, offering what little comfort they could to the bawling woman.

  “How did you get out?” Dan asked a few minutes later, when her sobs had slowed to mere sniffles, “The door was locked when we tried it at first.”

  “Picked it with a hairpin,” Janice muttered with a watery smile, “Learned how when I was a teenager, sneaking out to parties and the like. Never thought I’d have to use it again, especially not like this…”

  “Come on, let’s look around,” Alan supplied as a distraction. “There must be something mildly interesting to do in here…”

  -=II=-

  Their lunch trays arrived promptly at noon, containing cold sandwiches and some sort of lukewarm grey soup in a styrofoam cup that none of them fully trusted enough to eat.

  “So, these assessments- what d’you guys think they’re all about?” Alan asked in between bites of his sandwich.

  “Well, I think it’s pretty safe to assume they’re going to figure out what our abilities are,” Janice replied. “But how?”

  “There isn’t much point in worrying about it, it’s not like we can change whatever’s going to happen,” Dan muttered.

  “Easy for you to say, you’re going last,” Phil said from his position lying on his cot, tray lying untouched on the floor next to him.

  “Sorry, I guess you’re right.”

  “Phil, eat something. You’ll feel better if you do,” Janice reprimanded.

  “Feel sick,” he complained.

  “You should still eat. I know you’re nervous about going first, but I’m sure it’ll be fine! You’re just letting your imagination get the best of you.”

  Phil peered over the edge of his cot at them, who had formed a loose circle on the linoleum floor with their trays. He sighed, sat up, and took a bite of his sandwich. “I just hate that I’m not in control of it, I don’t even have a vague idea of what to expect.”

  Dan knew this, of course. Phil was the one to panic if they were a few steps behind his schedule for getting to an airport on time, the one to push Dan out of procrastinating the important things because it put him on edge. Phil liked control and order, while Dan would just put off worrying about things, because what’s the point in being worried about missing the bus if it’s already gone and you can’t do anything about it?

  Nobody had a particularly good response for Phil, as they didn’t know what to expect either. Phil couldn’t stop thinking, imagining every awful scenario and its outcome- feeling an emotion from someone he wasn’t supposed to, the powers suddenly disappearing and him being thrown out with no way to contact Dan, testing methods that might hurt-

  It’s not like they can do anything too horrible, he reasoned. But then again, you are a criminal in their eyes, for some reason.

  Phil could feel Dan’s eyes on him.

  “Stop worrying, I can feel it from here and you’re practically shaking the room.”

  “Easier said than done. I wonder how long the assessment will last?”

  “Judging from the time slots they gave us, probably no longer than a half hour to forty-five minutes, if not shorter than that. You’ll be fine, Phil.”

  Something about the way Dan said it was enough to calm his nerves  for a little while, but it was barely a minute later that he was worrying all over again.

  Dan was back to staring daggers at Phil, about to say something else to try to calm him down when Alan stood up abruptly.

  “Y’know what, Janice? I say we should check out the… bathroom. Yeah, the bathroom, we’ve gotta make sure that’s got everything we need, so we can ask for more if we need it. Yeah.”

  It was a less than graceful exit, but one that Dan and Phil appreciated nonetheless. Dan turned to Phil as soon as they left, holding his arms out for a hug.

  On camera, Dan wasn’t the most tactile of people, the result of his fear of people taking his closeness to Phil in a completely different way than he intended. However, when the camera was off, hugs and cuddles were among the best ways he knew to offer comfort when he felt words couldn’t bring across his meaning well enough.

  Phil scooted closer and leaned into Dan’s outstretched arms, feeling immediately the worry Dan had described to him- they were both shaking, in fear, in anxiety, in worry for each other- so hard that it did seem to shake the room. They were an earthquake. Dan could feel it too, stronger now, and despite the fog of uncertainty hanging in the air, there was a tug of something new, something floating and giddy and somehow, despite it all, elated.

-=II=-

  When it came time to leave, after giving Dan a short, final hug, Phil discovered that the assessment rooms weren’t all that far from their dorm at all, shown on a map in the hallway just outside as three small, greyed out squares in a long line of other small greyed out squares all marked as classrooms. Why would classrooms be needed in a place like this? Phil wondered, Then again, they did say they would train us on how to use our powers. But how would they know how the powers work any better than we do?

  His thoughts were interrupted by him turning a corner and finding himself at his destination, a wide hallway bordered by numbered doors all around. He wiped his sweating palms on his pants, looking around for some hint as to which of the rooms he was supposed to go to.

  That hint came in the form of a hassled-looking man coming out of the farthest door, cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting, “Twenty one! I need number twenty one in here! If you do not report for assessment you will lose bunkmate privileges and afternoon meals!”

  At that, Phil rushed over. Could they seriously take meals away for something as tiny as being a few minutes late? He wouldn’t doubt it, actually. “Sorry if I’m a little late…” He trailed off, not having an excuse for his tardiness.

  “Whatever, just hurry up and go, thirty minutes is crunch time as it is. Come on, inside you go,” the man said impatiently.

  Phil did as he was told, slipping inside the heavy grey door and looking around. Nothing about it really struck him as extraordinary, with a desk and chair facing to one side and another solitary chair in the middle of the room, facing the desk. The room itself had grey concrete floors and soft off-white walls, lit by some basic hanging lights.

  “Take a seat, please,” The man gestured to the chair in the middle of the room, continuing as if reading off of a script. “This is the Center for Civilian Threat’s capability evaluation, as authorized on 7th August, 2014 by…”

  He continued to drone on, listing a few laws and legal details that Phil couldn’t make much sense of.

  “My name is Cleveland Peckham, and I will be administering this assessment. The evaluation consists of a three minute briefing as required by law, a seven minute interview, followed by twenty minutes of ability tests. If you have any questions, ask them now.”

  Phil stared at the man, not knowing where to begin, but before he could form his thoughts into even one coherent question, Cleveland was talking again.

  “Excellent. Now we will proceed with the interview, what is your full legal name and age?”

  “Philip Michael Lester, 27- What are ‘ability tests’, how do they work?”

  “The time for questions from you is over. Yesterday, you checked into a hospital with highly elevated levels of an unidentified gas in your blood and lungs. What is the source of this?”

  “I don’t know anything about it, just that someone gassed my apartment? We never really got a chance to find out anything more than that.” Phil couldn’t keep the slight bitterness out of his tone.

  “Do you have any ideas as to who would do that?”

  “No-”

  “If you are caught lying, you will be punished.”

  “But I really don’t know!” Phil yelped, panicking a bit.

  “This exact concentration of argon gas, mixed with a chemical that has not yet been identified, has caused widespread… anomalies in humans. We have medical reason to believe that you have such anomalies as well. What are they? Again, lying is highly punishable.”

  Phil hesitated. What if he ended up having some power he didn’t know about yet? “I can… hear my friend’s thoughts and emotions, if I’m touching him. I can only hear thoughts from him, but the emotions part I can do with other people too. I’m not sure about anything else though, I haven’t noticed anything else, I swear!”

  Cleveland scribbled something down on the notepad in front of him, staying silent for a moment. “Who is this friend? Is he here?”

  “Yes, he is, Dan Howell,” Phil said.

  Cleveland paused for a moment, pen hovering over the notepad for a second. “What is your relation to him?”

  “My flatmate, best friend.”

  He returned that comment with a surprised look before continuing with his notes. “You said your apartment was gassed, describe what happened in as much detail as possible.”

  Phil recounted how he had just been in his room, browsing social media on his laptop when he had noticed that the air felt thicker, like there was smoke coming from somewhere, though he could see none. He recalled stumbling into the hall to find Dan, hearing him call out and then a loud thump as he passed out and slumped to the ground. He had then woken Dan up, and they had managed to get to the front door where paramedics had been waiting, and had gotten help.

  “Is that.. All? Or do you need me to talk about the hospital and all that?”

  “No, no, that’s enough,” Cleveland muttered, bent over his notepad once more, scribbling furiously. He remained mute for another minute or so, before suddenly snapping the notebook shut and standing.

  Phil jumped a bit at the sudden movement.

  “Now for the ability assessment, I ask that you please cooperate and follow instructions. Failure to do so will result in loss of bunkmate privileges for two to six months. For this evaluation, you will have several wires connected by tape and a bit of glue to your head and neck, in order to monitor brain activity. I will leave the room and for a few minutes, images will be projected onto the walls of this room and your response will be monitored and measured. For the remaining time, I will return and further instructions will be given at that time. Do you understand?”

  Phil nodded, this seemed simple enough. He was slightly concerned about  what the images might contain, but if it was only for a few minutes…

  He was led to a small side room that he had noticed on the way in and allowed the wires to be put on without a fight, although they did itch quite a lot and the assistant Cleveland had let in to help him was less than gentle, tugging his hair more roughly than necessary and getting glue everywhere- he was sure that’d be a pain to get out of his hair later.

  Soon he was sent back into the main room, Cleveland and the assistant remaining in the side room where there were computers and all sorts of weird machines- Phil supposed that was where the data from the wires was collected. He stood in the middle of the room, sighing and bouncing on his toes in anticipation. They were just pictures, he told himself, not real. It couldn’t be that bad, right? He usually wasn’t too bad with horror movies, and he loved horror books- he just needed to keep reminding himself that it wasn’t real, and surely he’d be fine.

  The room suddenly grew brighter, a hatch opening in the ceiling and a projector lowered into the room until it was hanging around a few feet from the high ceiling, unlike any projector Phil had seen before. It was bigger, for one, with multiple lenses facing all sides and wires sticking out all over like a science project gone wrong.

  The projector flickered to life, and Phil had to take a deep breath at what he saw.

  A car was headed straight for him.

  It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, just stay put, Phil thought, trying to look away but finding that the multi-lensed projector was a 360° view of dark trees and underbrush, no signs of civilizations other than the badly-paved highway under his feet. The car was coming closer and closer, seeming to gain speed as it went. It was maybe only 100 meters away now. 50. 30.

  A small child, a little girl with wide brown eyes and blonde hair, stepped out into the road, looking right at Phil. Her eyes widened, almost comically, as she seemed to hear the car, realizing what was happening. But still, she faced Phil, frozen like stone.

  All thoughts, reminders that this wasn’t real flew from Phil’s mind. He reached out for the girl, trying to run towards her, but for some reason he couldn’t move.

  The realization struck him that if she didn’t move, he would have to watch her die. He screamed, begging her to move out of the way, throwing his outstretched arm to the side as if to show her where to go.

  Then, suddenly, she was gone. The car faded, the forest disappeared. Phil looked around in astonishment, seeing the white walls return around him. He breathed heavily, head jerking around to watch the trees fade back into white drywall as he came back to his senses.

  A huge gash had been ripped into the wall, following the pattern that he had waved his arm in.

  Did I do that?

  From the side room, Cleveland emerged. He looked pale, shaken. He remained silent as he approached Phil, bending down to undo the straps Phil hadn’t noticed coming up and locking around his feet and up to just above his knees… which explained why he hadn’t been able to move.

  Cleveland looked at Phil, slack jawed, with sweat beading on his brow and eyes wide. He swallowed, trying to regain his composure. “We- we’ll just be moving over to the next open room while this gets fixed up,” he squeaked, not looking Phil in the eyes.

  Phil couldn’t stop looking at the huge chunks of what had been the wall scattered across the floor, paint scraped off in some places as if a wild animal had torn through instead of just… Phil. How could he have done that?

  Cleveland walked stiffly towards the door, casting anxious glances back over his shoulder at Phil as he went. “C-come on now, we’re running out of time.”

  Phil followed slowly, head still craned around to stare at the massive hole in the wall, even as a new group rushed in, apparently to fix it up somehow.

  The rest of the test passed in a blur, as Phil was poked, prodded, had blood taken, made to run on a treadmill, subjected to a variety of people projecting extreme emotions (in a way that was frankly, way too loud and hurt Phil’s head), made to stare at very small objects, and most oddly, presented with a dead plant.

  “What am I supposed to do with this?” Phil asked tiredly, as the plant was dumped on the table in front of him.

  “Touch it. Try to water it. Bring it back to life.”

  Phil did, and lo and behold, nothing happened. “What was that supposed to do, then?” he sighed.

 The plant was removed from the table. Cleveland and a few others that had come in to help him since the previous room’s incident furiously wrote notes.

  “What are you even writing notes on, it didn’t do anything!” Phil leaned his head back, exasperation creeping into his tone.

  “You’re free to go,” Cleveland mumbled, face buried in his clipboard.

  Phil was too relieved to question it, standing quickly and power walking straight out of the door. Glancing at the clock, he found that it had definitely been longer than 30 minutes. He found his way back to the dorm with ease, opening the door to find Dan sitting on the edge of his cot, bouncing his leg up and down.

  Dan jumped straight up when Phil walked in, standing up to greet him and reaching out without thinking twice about it. Dan felt Phil’s relief like a deep breath of fresh air, quickly overlapped by shock slamming into him like a bucket of ice had been dumped over his head, and a pinch of pain he couldn’t quite pin down the source of. Dan pulled back almost immediately, leaving one hand lingering on Phil’s arm. It occurred to him that perhaps they ought to be careful about things like this, to avoid more private emotions being overheard. He retracted the hand, starting to apologize but he was immediately interrupted by Phil.

  “Don’t worry about it, I do agree about the privacy thing, though. Maybe we should just ask first, just in case. I’m not sure I can be very articulate in explaining what just happened, so it’s probably best that you did that, so you know- Dan, it was so awful, the first part was okay, just like an interview, but then they said they needed to do ability tests and they showed me things that weren’t real and I busted open the wall, made me run a lot and they cut my arm a bit to see if I’d heal and made me touch a dead plant-”

  “Phil, slow down, you’re not making any sense,” Dan said as calmly as he could, “Come sit down and tell me everything in order and… slower.”

  Phil nodded and slumped down onto his cot. “It started off kinda alright, there was a guy in the room and he asked me a bunch of questions about what happened with the apartment and what I could do- oh God, I didn’t know I could do the wall breaking thing, he said I’d be punished for not telling them all my powers, I might get kicked out of this room-”

  “Shh, don’t worry about it now, tell me the rest,” Dan said.

  Phil continued his tale, up to him being moved into the next room.

  “Then they made me do loads of dumb things, they cut my arm-” Phil rolled up his left sleeve to show Dan the small bandaged area where the inch long cut had been made, “-and started asking me all these questions about, like, rocket science or something, I didn’t know what they were even talking about, so they gave up on that pretty soon, but then they brought out this treadmill and made me run way too fast until I fell,” Phil gestured to his reddened, rug burned, knees. “Then they brought in a whole bunch of people, made me say how each of them were feeling and this one guy was so angry, Dan…”

  Phil trailed off, quiet for a moment. “They tried to get me to say what they were thinking, too, and I couldn’t- that was scary, he was so angry and I couldn’t tell why or if he was going to hurt me or someone else because of it. It got easier from then on, they wanted me to look at some really small things so they could see my brain activity through the wire things and tell if I could see them better than normal or something. Then they brought me a dead plant and told me to touch it? I’m not sure what that was about, they just had me touch it and then said I could leave. It felt like I was in there for years, doing all their dumb tests.”

  “I’m sorry,” Dan said, unsure of what else he could say.

  Phil shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m just worried about you now, is there anything else you want to know that could help?”

  Dan hesitated. “The girl and the car- was there anything else in the room to focus on? I- I know I can’t do what you did, I was trying it when we were stuck in the van. I don’t want to see-”

  “There’s a chair and a desk to one side. For some reason, I couldn’t see the projector even though it was right above me, and it was projecting all around- there are straps that hold your feet to the floor, focus on those.”

  “Sounds horrible,” Dan muttered with a nervous laugh. He leaned back against the wall, lacing his fingers together and then apart again.

  It was 2:45 now, fifteen minutes before Dan’s evaluation was set to start.

  Phil tentatively shuffled closer to Dan, their shoulders brushing together just slightly. He managed to catch Dan’s eye, silently asking whether this was okay, and receiving a small nod in return.

  Phil’s worry and shock were still swirling in patterns of fog around his head, there was an upwards tug in his ribcage, hope, and a flutter in his stomach that Dan knew but couldn’t identify.

  The whole process had gotten a lot less dizzying and shocking since the first time they had done this, now settling into a more pleasant flash of color and thoughts that floated past consciousness did so a lot less… sharply than before.

  Said thoughts were ones of fear and worry, yet there was courage there too, softening the situation, strengthening and lifting up Dan especially, as the time grew nearer for him to leave.

  The two almost lost track of time, staying like that, side by side, barely touching, and lost in each other’s thoughts.

 ‘It’ll be okay.’

[next chapter]

DIOSCURI – chapter 2

gemini book one of two // phandom big bang 2016

previous | masterpost | ao3 (recomended) | next

Author: @skyboidjh

Beta: @icomparemyselftoyou

Artist: @nataliadeluckah​ (her wonderful art!)

Rating: PG-13

Summary:

colors whirling, thoughts flashing-it felt as if the butterflies in his stomach had lit themselves on fire.

“you weren’t supposed to find out…”

or, the one where Dan and Phil end up with superpowers, including the ability to feel each other’s emotions and hear each other’s thoughts, are declared threats and taken into custody by the government, Dan’s confused, and Phil has a secret.

Warnings: nondescriptive violence, acephobia, mild ableism

Word Count: 3450 for this chapter! (So Many in total)

  Dan was getting more than a bit tired of waking up to life-altering scenarios.

  At first, everything had seemed fine and normal as he woke up, stretching and yawning before rolling back over into his pillow. His eyes had shot back open, wide, when he realized that it was not, in fact, his pillow. It all came back to him in a flash- the gas, the hospital, the hotel, his freak powers-

  Of course, just as he was beginning to process all of that being real, there was someone pounding on their door. Phil somehow stayed asleep through this, causing Dan to sigh and get up to see who it was himself. Maybe they had forgotten to put out a ‘do not disturb’ sign? He peered through the peephole.

  Two fully-uniformed policemen were outside. One raised a fist to knock again.

  They must be here to get our story of what happened, Dan thought to himself as he unlocked the door and pulled it open slightly. “Hello, can I help you?”

  He never did get his answer, as the policemen pushed the door open wider, surprising him into jumping backwards a bit. They pushed their way into the hotel room, one grabbing Dan and shoving him into the wall.

  “Hey! What the-” The rush of adrenaline was so much more intense with his new ability, Dan discovered. He struggled against the officer’s tight grip.

  “Just keep your mouth shut and come with us without a fight, and there won’t be any trouble, alright?” the man leered at Dan, his cigarette-scented breath washing over Dan’s face as he put handcuffs on him. Once that was done, he started to drag Dan out of the room.

  Dan’s head was spinning. “What did I do?” he asked, bewildered. “You can’t arrest me if you don’t tell me what I did,” he said quickly, silently thanking his past self for paying attention in at least one law lecture. He heard Phil shout as the other officer got to him, then there were more and more people coming in through the door, dressed in mostly dark colors and what seemed to be protective gear.

  The officer didn’t answer immediately, simply chuckling at Dan’s statement. “We’re not exactly arresting you, kid,” he sneered as he managed to shove Dan out of the door.

  Dan struggled as hard as he could, suddenly absolutely sure that these were not cops. How had they found the two of them? Why? He managed to bang his elbow hard against one of the walls in the hall, creating a loud noise. The man dragging him along pulled him to a stop, pressing him back into the wall again. “Do that again, and we will not hesitate to shoot both you and your friend. We know what you are, and how to deal with you, so cooperate. For your own sake.”

  An ice cold feeling spread over Dan’s heart at the man’s words, feeling, in a way, similar to Phil’s emotions that he had felt yesterday, but at the same time so much different, more… intense. Cold. Controlling. He swallowed, relaxing his arms from their previous defensive position between him and the man. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Phil being led out without much of a fight. They must’ve told him the same thing.

  “Where are you taking us?” Dan asked, trying his best to keep his voice from shaking.

  Of course, he didn’t get a response, as they continued down the hall. Dan’s mind was racing at a million miles an hour, trying desperately to think of a way to get them both out of this alive.

  Outside of the hotel, after a torturous elevator journey and terrifying walk through a mysteriously silent lobby, Dan glanced around for any CCTV cameras or alarms, anything he might be able to set off to get out of this. They were headed towards a big black van, and he felt a sort of prickle on the back of his neck, unsure if it was someone else’s fear or his own. His thoughts turned hysterical when he realized that once he got into the van, their chances of escaping would be slim to none. He was looking around more desperately now, terrified tears prickling at the corners of his eyes and blurring his vision. Ten feet away. Five. Three.

  A sharp jab to his back. A rough voice told him to get inside. He twisted around to look over his shoulder, seeing Phil right behind him looking equally desperate and scared as Dan felt. He put up one foot onto the bumper, stretching this out as long as possible. His eyes darted back and forth along the perimeter of the building, finally locking onto an old-looking camera, pointed in such a way that he just might show up in the edge of the frame. Staring directly at it, he managed to mouth out ‘help me’ before being shoved into the car fully. Phil was pushed in behind him and the doors shut, leaving them in total blackness.

-=II=-

  The first thing that alerted them to the other people in the van was a small whimper.    

  His eyes had not yet adjusted to the darkness, but still Dan looked around anxiously, his absolute hatred of the dark creeping up on him. “Phil?” He called hesitantly.

  “Who’s there?” A voice that was definitely not Phil responded.

  “Dan, where are you?” Phil replied at the same time.

  “Who else is here?” Dan asked, reaching out one hand blindly, searching in the darkness. His eyes were adjusting enough to see faint shapes shifting around, but not much else.

  “There are six of us, outside of you new guys.” Another new voice responded, light and feminine. “Who’re you?”

  “Why are we here?” Dan asked, unsure if he could trust these new people.

  “We think it’s because of an… accident. Were you all in the building that got gassed as well?”

  “Was that what happened?” Dan recited the location of their apartment to the group, confirming it. “Why us? What happened?”

  “Have you all been noticing anything… strange about yourselves recently? Over the past few hours?” Another new voice made itself known. “The gas did something to us.”

  “Yeah, we have.” Phil responded. “What are your names? I’m Phil.”

  “Paige,” replied a vaguely familiar voice.

  “Alan.”

  “Ivan.”

  “I’m Aoife, Paige is my daughter and my son Alex is here as well, but he can’t speak, so he can’t answer, but he’s sitting back here with me,” she spoke in a warm Scottish accent.

  “I’m Gabriel, Aoife’s husband.”

  “And I’m Dan, Alan, I think we lived right above you? Paige and Gabriel, we rode to the hospital with you, remember?”

  A brief silence followed, then Paige laughed. “I just tried nodding, but you can’t see us. Yeah, I remember.” Her voice trembled, despite her laugh.

  “Yes, I remember meeting you all at one point,” Alan smiled in recognition.

  “E-eefe, was it? Sorry, how did you pronounce that?” Phil questioned.

  “Ee-fah,” Aoife replied with a little laugh. “Don’t worry about it, honestly. With the ridiculous way it’s spelled too, it’s just an inconvenient name to have.”

  “I’m across the hall from Alan, by the way- I don’t remember meeting you all, though,” someone said (It was hard to tell who was speaking just from their voice alone, but Dan was fairly sure it had been Ivan speaking.)

  “What did you guys mean by ‘weird things’ happening to all of us?” Dan asked.

  “Things we couldn’t do before. Weirder than usual dreams, almost like visions. Feelings that aren’t your own,” Gabriel replied.

  “Almost like superpowers,” Paige added.

  Dan’s eyes widened. “Yeah, that’s- that’s exactly it, actually. The emotions one.”

  He was able to make out one of the others nodding knowingly. “Anything other than that? It seems to be different for everyone.”

  “Can anyone else hear thoughts if you’re touching the person? We’ve both got that, as well as feeling other people’s emotions. Nothing else that I’ve noticed, though,” Phil said.

  “I might not need to be touching the person,” Dan speculated. “I thought I could tell what the people who took us were feeling, but that could’ve been something else…”

  “Hearing thoughts, that’s new,” Aoife mused. “What were they feeling, d’you think?”

  “Not anything I could put a specific name to,” Dan replied. “Something strong, and… nasty. Maybe scared of us, one mentioned that he knew ‘what we are,’ whatever that means. I don’t know.”

  “So that must be why we were taken? Because of the power things? Who even are they?”

  “Most likely, yes. Whoever these people are, they must know about the powers. Maybe they were the ones behind us getting them in the first place? Maybe they have the powers themselves? All we can really do is wait and see, at this point. We’re not sure where they’re taking us, either.”

  “Comforting.”

  Alan laughed. “It sure is, isn’t it?”

-=II=-

  None of them were sure exactly how long the car ride was, as they had all been taken sometime during the night or early morning, meaning all they had were pajamas, and therefore no watches or phones.

  At one point, the back doors opened briefly and a new woman, as well as a few bags of crisps were thrown inside. It had all happened so suddenly that they only had been able to jump to their feet, the doors being shut once more the moment the first of them had reached it.

  The woman tearfully introduced herself as Janice, she had been taken away from her kids and had no idea if they had been kidnapped as well, or even killed by their captors.

  She was filled in on what everyone else knew so far, and calmed down a bit. Her two sons had both been out of the apartment when the gassing had occurred, so they wouldn’t have been affected and therefore wouldn’t be a target for their captors.

  They did their best to split the tiny snack-bags of crisps between them, talking over their experiences since yesterday and explaining what powers they had noticed so far.

  “I’m not sure exactly what it is yet,” Ivan explained, “Last night I dreamed about getting kidnapped like this, and… other things as well. We’ll just have to see.”

  “I slammed a door just by thinking about it,” Paige muttered. “I can’t seem to do anything to get us out though, maybe it was triggered by adrenaline or something? A freak accident? I’ll keep trying, though.”

  Dan nodded at that. “Do what you can. For me and Phil, we’ve been able to feel people’s emotions through touch, and for me it works without touch, just not as well. Like… there was definitely something coming from the kidnapper guy, anyway. And as for you all… just a lot of nervousness and fear.” He shuddered.

  “We were also able to hear each other’s thoughts, but only when we’re touching for some reason,” Phil continued, “Haven’t been able to try it on other people, though.”

  “Here,” Janice said, extending her arm to him. “Will I be able to feel anything?”

  “Not sure,” Phil responded, placing his fingertips on her arm, nearly missing in the dark. His head was flooded with her thoughts and feelings, just the same as it had been with Dan earlier.

  “Is it working? I can’t feel anything,” Janice said.

  “Yeah, it is. You’re really worried. We’ll figure out a way to get out of here soon.”

  “Can I try?” Dan asked, reaching out as well. The worry that Phil had described slammed into him from behind like a brick wall, and a new feeling pushed at his forehead intensely. “You’re worried… and focused? A few vague thoughts, some object? Round object? But not really anything else…”

  Janice sighed, leaning back. “I was thinking really hard about basketballs to see if that made it easier, so that must’ve been the focus part.”

  “Wait, one more try? I want to see something,” Dan said, grabbing onto her hand again. The same colors and emotions flooded his senses, but he tried to reach further. Suddenly he could see something else, images flashing through his conscience, only appearing for a few split seconds. He moved away. “Do you know someone with green hair? I think it works with memory as well. That’s all I really saw, I couldn’t make out anything else.”

  “My son, Mike. That’s all he wanted for his birthday, green hair.” Janice put one hand over her mouth in shock. “That’s incredible.”

  “I couldn’t see memories, that’s weird,” Phil said, “Maybe you’ve got something different?”

  “I’m sure something else will come up, it’s been different abilities with everyone,” Alan said. “Janice, what can you do?”

  “No clue. I haven’t noticed anything odd yet, maybe I didn’t get anything?” She sounded almost hopeful.

  “Maybe it’s just taking longer. Anyways, I’ve got some of the same empathy stuff as Dan and Phil, and I think…” He broke off hesitantly. “…a plant spoke to me as I got into the van?” Alan chuckled nervously.

  “Wish I could talk to plants,” Phil laughed. “I have so many houseplants at home…” He trailed off. “Who’s going to water them?”

  A somber silence fell across the car.

  “God, everyone’s going to be so freaked out. Phil, the SITC meetup was going to be tomorrow, all those people…”

  “Oh no,” Phil said. “They all paid for the meetup and we won’t be there.”

  “SITC? Meetup?” Aoife asked.

  “Do you mean Summer in the City?” Paige asked incredulously.

  “What’s that?” Gabriel asked.

  “It’s a sort of convention thing, for people who post on YouTube. We were going to be meeting people who watch our videos there,” Phil replied.

  “Oh, that’s cool. You must be the same Dan and Phil that my friend Angie is super obsessed with, then.” Paige let out a dry chuckle. “Must’ve just not known it was you because of the dark or something…”

  “Huh. Well I-when we get back, tell Angie we said hi,” Dan said.

  “I will,” Paige said, sounding faint.

  “Are you alright?” Gabriel asked, noticing her tone.

 “Y-yeah, I’m just trying to get this door-“

  “Don’t strain yourself too much, Paige. You might need your strength later,” Aoife advised.

  “I won’t need it all if we get out before that!” she snapped.

  No one responded for a moment.

  “I’m sorry,” Paige muttered. “It’s just- what’re they going to do to us? I-I just want to go home.”

  Suddenly, Dan realized: How old had Paige looked when he first met her on the ambulance? Thirteen, maybe fourteen? She was barely done with being a child, and going through such a horrible experience. Dan felt an awful pang in his chest at what she had said. Why did this happen to them? What did they want?

  There was a small shuffling noise in the darkness, as someone scooted closer to the dark shape Dan perceived to be Paige. They raised both hands in a series of complicated gestures.

  Paige let out a breath. “No, Alex, I promise it’s going to be okay. We’ll be safe soon.”

  Alex let out a little sniffle, wrapping his arms around his sister. A tear of desperation sprung up in Dan’s eye at the sight- if Paige, at fourteen, was too young for this, her brother, who seemed to be around ten, needed to be as far away from this mess as possible.

-=II=-

  It felt like it had been several hours before the door opened again. They were greeted by a tall, graceful-looking woman with four of the armed men that had taken them in the first place, standing at her side like guards. Everyone in the truck jumped up to their feet as the doors opened, tensing and ready to run for it as soon as they got a chance.

  “Don’t bother running,” the woman said calmly, “It’s a waste of both of our time. We really do need you all alive.”

  “A-and what’s that for? Where are we? Who are you?” Paige stuttered.

  “Aww,” the woman cooed. “She’s a bit younger than most of the rest of you, yeah? Cute. You’ll get your questions answered in due time. Now, one by one, step out of the van and follow us. These guards will shoot if you try any of your… funny business.”

  “This is ridiculous,” Ivan spat as he stood to leave, the first one out. “What do you want with us? Why specifically us?”

  “All in due time, dear! Now hurry up, keep it moving.” Her eyes seemed to linger on Alex for a moment as he stumbled past, still clinging to Paige’s arm. For a moment, she almost looked… regretful? Sorry for them? Dan reached out tentatively, trying to figure out what she was feeling, finding only something that felt hot, burning, boiling. He did his best not to flinch, as the woman was eyeing him carefully.

  They shuffled out of the car in single file, watching the guards’ guns with wary eyes. Dan made sure to stick as close to Phil as possible, worrying that they could get separated.

  The sky above was bright blue and nearly cloudless. The yard was fenced in with barbed wire and, according to the bright red warning signs that hug every so often along the wire fence, electricity. A net loosely spanned the area above them, hung from fencepost to fencepost. A small grey concrete building lay ahead on a gravel driveway, with no visible windows and an awful, bleak feeling hanging in the dry air around them. Dan couldn’t recognize the emotion, and wasn’t sure he wanted to.

  Walking through the front door felt like walking into a prison. The inside of the building was lit up with too-bright fluorescent lights, reminding Dan of horror movie corridors and, oddly enough, classrooms without windows. He managed only a small glance over his shoulder at the sky before the door was slammed shut.

  They continued further down a hallway and down some stairs, through hall after hall in a pattern that seemed to be designed intentionally to confuse them. At second thought, Dan realized he wouldn’t be that surprised if it actually had been.

  Eventually they ended up in another badly lit room, containing a simple wooden desk with papers neatly stacked to one side, a short file cabinet, and a sleek desktop computer. The woman who had been leading them went around and sat down at the chair.

  “My name is Amelia Hartford- well, to you it is. This is the Center for Civilian Threats, or CCT for short.”

  “Threats?” Phil asked incredulously, “How are we threats? We haven’t done anything!”

  “You are all part of a group that has been shown holding certain incredibly powerful abilities. Our job here is to test those abilities, measure their possible effects on society, and begin to teach you how to harness them to aid your country.”

  “Like soldiers?” Janice asked, “I don’t want to be a soldier.”

  “Somewhat. Not all of you will reach that final point, depending on which abilities you end up possessing. I will advise you all, make no attempt to hide what you can do from us. We will find out, and the consequences will be… severe.”

  “How can you do this? We haven’t committed any crimes, you can’t hold us in custody like this! I’ll have you know, my brother’s a lawyer-“ Ivan said.

  “Your brother will most absolutely lose any case he brings against us. Suspected threats- and yes, any of you have the potential to be threats- can be held. This program is government-sanctioned, as you can read here.” She calmly passed Ivan a packet.

  Ivan scanned over the front of the packet carefully. “I’d like to keep this, to go over it further.”

  “Feel free,” Amelia said calmly. “In the meantime, you all will be assigned identification numbers, living quarters, and a schedule, as you will be staying here while we assess your abilities. You will find that there are more people like you around this building, brought in separately. The rules here are quite simple. No violence amongst yourselves, obey the commands of all guards, instructors, scientists, and myself- that is, everyone with a badge. You’ll catch on very quickly. You’ll be given your assignments in just a moment.” She turned to the filing cabinet, pulling out a stack of papers similar to the ones already stacked on one side of the desk.

  “When will we be able to leave?” Dan asked.

 “Oh, my dear, that depends on a lot of things,” Amelia smiled. “Let’s just say… you’ll stay for however long it takes.”

[next chapter]

wild

my fics – read this on ao3

summary: dan’s moving away. phil wants to remember their past one last time.

rating: pg-13

warnings: implied major character death, implied abuse, drinking mentions, implied SMUT woo guys we’re going crazy with vague things today

word count: 1773

note: thank you to the @littlephanwriters squad for betaing 🙂

Twin pale legs dangle off the pier’s end. There’s a nervous tension between the two boys, an unaddressed longing hanging stiff between them, a wall. Their hands lie close, but not touching on the splintered wood, simply basking in each other’s presence like the moon in the light of the sun.

“Today’s the last day.” The words fall like stones into the lake below, and they remain unanswered for quite some time. The silence, tension, begins to build in the air around them, the spice of electricity before the strike of lightning.

“I know.”

“We should do something.” Blue eyes raise themselves from the trance of the water, the sun’s rays glinting off the surface and turning the land around them orange.

“You know he wouldn’t let me. I’m not even supposed to be here as it is.”

“Fuck him.”

“You know it’s not that simple.”

The tension between them tightens and the air is silent once more.

“D’you remember when we were kids? We’d play pirates and cowboys on this dock. Why did we pick those two things, even? What do pirates and cowboys have to do with each other?”

“They’d always fall in love,” the other boy recalls, the sun in his brown hair turning it to gold at the roots.

“And we can’t?”

“You know why.”

The blue eyed one lets out a sigh, curling a pale hand into his midnight black hair. “Still, though, it’s your last day here. We should do something.”

“Like what?”

“Come with me.”

“He’ll notice I’m gone.”

“Please,” the blue eyed boy begs, “Just forget him. Just for a while.”

The brown haired one stays silent.

“Dan, please.” The black haired boy stands up, reaching down a hand to the other’s shoulder.

He flinches away at first, but turns to meet his friend’s eyes for the first time through this entire conversation. “He might… hurt me.”

“I’ll keep you safe.”

Dan considers for a moment, biting his lip, then grabs the older boy’s hand. “Where are we going?” His voice is quiet, subdued in fear.

“Anywhere we can think of.” The black haired boy tucks a sketchbook under his arm. “We can play pirates and cowboys again.”

“Phil, don’t be dumb, we’re nineteen. We don’t play pretend anymore.”

“Whoever said that? Who cares, anyways?”

“It’s just-”

“C’mon, matey!” Phil says in a rough, accented voice. The corner of Dan’s mouth quirks up in a smile.

“I think I’m feeling cowboys a bit more today.”

“Well, awright then?” Phil’s accent shifts again, low and drawling.

“You’re so stupid!” Dan laughs and playfully shoves at his friend. “Pretty sure that accent is offensive.”

“You’re offensive!” Phil says in his normal voice, deep, but light. He smiles widely, tongue poking through a tiny gap in his teeth. “C’mon, let’s go to my place.” He leaves the second half of his statement, ‘he can’t find you there’, unsaid.

The two amble down the dirt path from the lake to Phil’s house, leaning on each other and giggling the whole way, but also both keeping one wary eye out.

It could be said that the two friends were a bit too close, suspiciously so, even. They had thought it themselves, but for an immense fear of losing the other, had never brought it up.

The setting sun painted the late summer trees golden, casting long but warm shadows over everything in their paths. The air was starting to miss the sun’s warmth and chilled a bit, a tiny breeze ruffling the leaves on the trees.

They passed through a brick alley between houses, rusty children’s bikes laying out in the fading sunlight. An ancient tree twisted its way through one of the walls and up to the sky, branches outstretched like the caring arms of a mother.

The boys reached up to its limbs and hoisted themselves over in a many-times-rehearsed motion, making their way through the loved branches and pulling themselves out on the other side, where a peeling white-painted house stood falling apart, the handprints and initials carved into the concrete below the front stoop worn with years.

The house had always smelled like home to Dan, though he had never lived there- like cinnamon and freshly baked cookies, with a hint of citrus and driftwood. He listened to the creak of the steps like the heartbeat of a dying man, feeling the familiar closeness of the walls, softness of the carpet beneath his fingers.

“This won’t be the end,” Phil promised him.

“How could it not be?” Dan responded quickly, an edge in his voice. The tension was back, full of longing and sadness and brick walls. The two sat side by side, a foot apart on the worn rug.

“This place has always been home to me, you know?” Dan said softly, after a moment.

“I know.”

“I don’t want to leave.”

“I know.”

They scooted closer together, Dan’s head fell onto Phil’s shoulder.

“Since today’s the last day we’ll see each other-”

“Don’t talk like that. We’ll see each other again, I promise you.”

Dan’s smile was sad. “Don’t make more promises that you can’t keep, Phil. Since this is the last day I’ll see you face to face, I just wanted to let you know…”

Silence hung in the air. Dan signed, bringing his hand up to rest his forehead on. “I wanted to let you know that I love you.”

“I love you too, you know that.” Phil said immediately.

“No, like-” Dan stood suddenly, barely missing stepping on Phil’s hand. “More than that. You mean a whole hell of a lot to me.”

“I know.”

“I think I love you as more than a friend, and I don’t think I could leave without you knowing that, and obviously you might not want to write to me when I’m gone because of it which I understand, I just wanted to let you-”

Phil was standing now as well, placing two hands on Dan’s shoulders. He shushed him lightly, pulling Dan to his chest. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Dan. You’re okay.”

The two stood there in silence for a few minutes, Dan beginning to cry softly into his friend’s worn t-shirt, the orange light seeping through the window and seeming to intensify Phil’s already sharp features.

It was a moment before Phil could get the words out of his mouth, a soft whisper of “I think I love you like that, too.”

Then they were kissing, and it was soft and tender and tears were drying on both of their cheeks as the last of the light in the summer sky died on their shoulders.

They weren’t quite sure who pulled away first, resting their foreheads together and chasing little pecks of kisses onto each other’s lips as Phil’s hands on Dan’s hips swayed them to the beat of a soundless song. They fell onto the bed sideways, not making any attempt to take their kissing further, just holding each other close and reminiscing.

“You taught me to swim.”

“You were so scared to jump off the dock, remember?”

“All those games of the Sims on your old desktop…”

“I was kind of mean to them, wasn’t I?”

“You deleted all the doors and started a fire!”

Dan could feel the rumbling of Phil’s giggle in his arms and heart. He leaned his head back a bit, opening his eyes to just look at his friend.

“We’re idiots, aren’t we?”

“A bit, yeah.”

The silence this time wasn’t tense, filled with the steady tick of a wall clock.

“You should be headed back soon, Dan, he’ll be wondering where you are.”

“He knows, probably.”

Phil sat up a bit, propping himself up on an elbow. “Then you really should go, if he finds out that you’re with me-”

“Fuck him.”

Phil was quiet for a second, shocked. “But-”

“Fuck. Him.” Dan pulled himself up to sit cross-legged on the bed, and Phil followed suit. “Fuck if he knows. Fuck what he’ll do about it. I’m not giving up my last night with you for anything.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I kind of already am?”

Dan pulled Phil close and kissed him again, long and slow. Soon Phil’s hands were trailing up his back, tugging at the hem of his shirt. They only parted for a moment to discard it, immediately re-losing themselves in each other.

The last of the orange sunlight pulled itself out from the room, leaving behind the silver-green glow of the moon and glow-in-the-dark stars on Phil’s ceiling.

In the morning Dan awoke half dressed, with red chapped lips and soreness in his muscles, pink light of dawn coming in through the window. Phil lay stretched out on the bed, hogging all the covers and in a similar state, hair mussed and eyes peaceful with a hint of a smile at their corners.

A quick glance out the window showed all he needed to see, an angry, grey-bearded man over on the other side of the brick wall sitting in the back of a pickup truck with innumerable cans of beer surrounding him as he gazed over at the white house, meeting Dan’s eyes with a smile as though he had been waiting for him to appear in that very window. Dan jerked away, sitting back on the edge of the bed and absently twirling Phil’s hair in his fingers.

As much as Dan didn’t want this to hurt so badly, it felt wrong to leave Phil without saying goodbye. He gently shook Phil’s shoulders as he pulled his shirt back on, glancing around for his shoes as his friend slowly awoke.

Phil sat up abruptly, though whether he was realizing what was happening or what had happened last night unclear. He watched in silence as Dan tied up his shoes.

“I’m going to miss you. Please call me, like you said you would.”

“Twice every day, I promise,” he responded immediately. “We’ll see each other again, I promise. I’ll get train tickets, come to visit you this weekend.”

“What if he’s still there with me, though?”

“We’ll figure that out on the phone. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

“I don’t want to go.”

Phil didn’t appear to have a response to that, pulling his friend into a hug. He saw the man in the truck through the window and tensed up. “Will you be alright on the drive?”

“I’ll call you when we get there.”

Phil knew what the avoidance of his question meant, and hugged Dan tighter. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll be fine.”

Phil never did get a call that night.

in the end, i’d do it all again (and again, and again) chapter 5

masterpost

summary:  Phil felt like he was going to throw up, because he really didn’t like this. His head was spinning, probably not helped by the painkillers in his veins and the blood loss from just a few hours earlier. He could die trying for Dan’s second chance at life, or he could just walk away and put up with the loss like any other human being would have to.
It was reckless. It was stupid. It was self-destructive.
He knew he would regret it for the rest of his life if he missed this chance.

rating: mature

warnings for this chapter: warnings for this chapter: some elements of grieving? argument? not much today (also there’s a part where i used crazy sorta unreadable text for story-relevant reasons which will sort of make sense as we go along, i put the crazy text stuff in normal text too, in brackets just above for anyone who needs it!)

please note that major character death/coma/afterlife are themes throughout!!!

word count: 3190

;sdjfkhaklsdjhflajksd this is so late i posted it on ao3 ages ago and forgot to make the tumblr post for months im so sorry

anyways its been forever how r u i met dan and phil

Chapter 5: empty your sadness

 Grubby unwashed tile reappeared under Phil’s scrambling fingers as fast as it had gone, leaving him grabbing at them blindly for any sense of stability. His stomach was in his chest, veins singing with adrenaline like he’d just gotten off of a roller coaster.

 “Woah there, slow down!” Hands were on his shoulders, shoving him? Steadying him? Phil wasn’t sure, his vision still spinning in confused circles.

 The fuzziness slowly left his eyes and mind, steadily refocusing until all he could see was black smoke and tanned skin.

 On instinct he shoved away from it, yelping in surprise and trying to figure out what was going on.

 He was still in the bathroom at the high school, Phil realized, piling annoyance on top of his disorientation as he managed to sidestep away from the being he now recognized as the demon Charon. He looked like Dan again, Phil realized, observing the coils of dark smoke curling towards the ceiling above them with wary eyes as he caught his breath.

 “What the hell?” Phil finally gasped, adrenaline draining from his bloodstream and leaving him feeling weaker. “Why can’t I leave?”

 Charon clicked his tongue. “You broke the rules, Phil! I told you to not do anything rash, didn’t I?”

 Any patience Phil might have had left him instantly. “Why does it even matter? He isn’t my Dan, not the real one. God knows if you even did say that, it’s just a little bit difficult to remember game rules , ” He spat the words like they were poison on his tongue. “When you’ve just found out your best friend is dead.”

 “Oh, but he is real! Everyone you meet is just as real as you are, Phil. And now you’ve gone and messed things up between you and Dan, made him all confused and…” The demon tilted his head to the right, contemplating, calculating. “Is that fear as well? Oh man, Phil, you’ve really screwed up. He’s not going to want to talk to you again anytime soon, if ever. As for the rules, what do you want from me? An instruction booklet? There’s no how-to-play manual in life, Phil.”

 “But this isn’t life! This is hell and nothing I do here matters anyway because I’m leaving, and he’ll never have to be anywhere but here. I can just be one of those mysteries he’ll never figure out.”

 Charon sighed loudly, the smoke around his eyes spun into winding spirals as if he was rolling his eyes. “Quit being so melodramatic. There’s a reason I chose to help you, Phil-”

 “Oh, this is help , is it? Watching him die and making him hate me?”

 “Making him hate you was your choice, Phil. Now, shut up, you don’t have time for arguing, as I keep reminding you. I gave this choice to you and Dan specifically because you two have something rare. Bonded souls are a real treasure to find, especially in this day and age. Souls destined to find each other in every universe, the most adverse circumstances, and stitch together for a very long time. Call it destiny if you want, even though that’s completely different as this is rare and not applicable to everyone- Whatever it takes to make you understand. The version of you native to this universe will come back, even if you never will, and he is going to expect that Dan is the same as he left him after school yesterday. Well, not that he’ll know he left at all. Luckily for you, in the last universe there was no one to set things right with, and in that case it was okay. Dan was going to die there anyways, and it wasn’t your fault. Here, however, you’ve met Dan quite recently, he’s only known you a couple of months. If you get into an argument now… You need to get him to forgive you, and please, don’t be as messy in the next universe. You won’t be able to leave until you fix this, and I have no desire to go cleaning up your messes.

 “Now, you should be in the… gym? You have as long as it takes to get him understanding and forgiving, Phil. Good luck. Oh, and I’ll see what I can do about those game rules, eh?”

 Charon started to fade not a moment after his final words had been spoken, leaving Phil attempting to grab onto him, keep him in place somehow, shouting wordless cries of anger and frustration at the thin air left behind.

 He was alone in a grungy public school bathroom decorated with etched-in graffiti once more.

0~0~0

 “I have to pay for it?”

 “25 cents for a top and shorts,” replied the bored-looking elderly gym teacher. “Cough up or it counts against your grade.”

 “But I don’t have any money!”

 “Sucks to be you. You could see if anyone is willing to pay for you, but I honestly doubt it, teenagers are always broke.”

 Phil sighed, turning on his heel and walking out of the gym uniform loan office, where he had been directed previously by another tired, underpaid teacher. Oh well, it wasn’t like it was really his grade, anyway, nor did it have anything to do with Dan. He rounded the corner into the actual locker room once more, eyes on the ground to avoid needing to speak  with anyone. He soon realized what a terrible idea this was, that he should have been watching where he was going instead as he bumped straight into one of the many guys in the room getting dressed. Phil stuttered out a quick apology as the intimidating-looking guy glared at him, forgetting how intimidating he looked himself. (he had caught a better glance of himself in the bathroom. The piercings were intense, and he had an actual dragon tattooed on his neck, like in the punk edits video he had made with Dan what seemed like years ago.) Suddenly, he spotted Dan across the room, who eyed him strangely before turning and making a beeline straight for him.

 “We need to talk,” Dan said immediately. His shoulders were square, but Phil had known him long enough to see the tremors in his hands as well as his confident posture. “Wanna skip?”

 Phil nodded immediately, silently glad Dan had approached him first.

 “We’ll take your car, I walked this morning.”

 “Sounds good,” Phil replied, following Dan and feeling a bit like a lost baby duck trailing after its mother as they left though the back door into the parking lot.

 Phil fished his keys from his backpack, momentarily freezing up when he realized the steering wheel was on the left side. America. There was no way he could drive like that!

 Thankfully, Dan didn’t seem to notice his panic, as he was avoiding Phil’s gaze intently when he suddenly asked “Can I drive?”

 Phil tossed him the keys without a second thought, ducking into the passenger’s seat and buckling up.

 “Where’re we going?”

 “My place-my parents shouldn’t be home until at least 4.”

“Alright,” Phil answered.

Dan didn’t respond, starting the car and resting both hands on the wheel. He stared straight ahead for a moment, before sighing deeply and pulling out of the parking lot.

The rest of the drive was silent, as they passed through suburban street after suburban street. Phil stared out the passenger side window, watching the trees and houses and white picket fences pass absently. He briefly wondered what might have caused Dan’s sudden change of heart, and what he might say to convince Dan to forgive him. What had he even done in the first place? Something to do with hanging out with someone or several someones that Dan didn’t like, he recalled from their confrontation in the hall. He could say he didn’t know that Dan didn’t like them, or maybe that it was all a big misunderstanding and Phil didn’t like them either- but he didn’t know that for certain. Phil frowned, feeling a sort of sinking in his chest that was all too familiar in situations in which he had no idea what to do. However, this was different from forgetting all of an artist’s songs as he stepped up to interview them at an awards show- he didn’t have Dan to back him up this time.

He hated it. Hated this deal with Charon, hated the situation he was in now with this Dan, hated himself, a bit, for getting himself into this mess. He imagined someone telling him that he could choose again, between letting Dan die and this universe-jumping freak show. Immediately, he would want to go home, to give up- but almost instantly after thinking that, he felt guilty. Giving up wasn’t something he did easily, not even in ridiculous situations like this. No, he would stay, if given the choice.

The soft hum of the car’s engine in the background faded out, jolting Phil out of his thoughts. He had an apology to make.

Dan was first to get out of the car, not even looking back at Phil as he made his way up to the house and unlocked the door.

 Phil followed a bit reluctantly, making his way over the house’s threshold and gazing at the many family portraits hung up along the hall like a collage. They were  just like the ones at Dan’s family’s house back in his universe. The carpeted stairs creaked under his feet, breaking the eerie silence that blanketed the house as he followed Dan up to his room, in a way that almost made him feel like he was in a horror movie, for some reason.

 Phil was not, however, in a horror movie, so he made it up to Dan’s room perfectly intact. Dan had dumped his backpack down next to a large wooden desk, immediately collapsing in the spinny chair that sat beside it. He spun aimlessly, before turning and settling in Phil’s direction.

 Phil took in the massive band posters decorating every wall as he dropped his own bag at the foot of Dan’s bed. Though Phil hadn’t known Dan at 16, the room as just what he would have expected it to be: brown walls, a TV in one corner and a massive stack of CDs and DVDs next to it. He could feel Dan still staring at him, so he dropped into a beanbag next to the TV, finally meeting Dan’s eyes.

“What changed about you?’ Dan asked suddenly, words coming quickly, like a waterfall he couldn’t stop. “I know something did. You’re pretending you don’t know what you did, when we just talked about it yesterday. You let me drive your car. You’re acting like you’ve never been to my house before, you didn’t even ask about snacks or try to race me up the stairs like you always do. You didn’t sass the teacher, you thought I was going to hurt you, and for the sake of taking one thing at a time, I won’t even start on that… meltdown thing  in the hall earlier.”

 Phil paused, weighing his options. Would he have to stay here longer if he lied to Dan? He’d have to ask later. For now, the truth, or, at least most of it, would have to do. “You really aren’t going to believe me, I-”

“Try me.” Dan’s words were firm and glare cold.

 Phil saw a shadow move in the corner of his eye, nearly scaring him out of his skin until the shadow slowly solidified into a figure- Charon. It wasn’t much more comforting than the sentient shadow, but at least it was something familiar to him.  The monster nodded slowly, as if urging Phil on.

Phil sighed. “You’re right. I did change, quite a lot. I’m not-” he paused, choosing his words carefully. “-really the same.” Pause. “I’m about to say some pretty weird stuff, but try not to interrupt me so I can just get through it, alright?” It was a tactic they often used on the rare occasions that they argued, taking turns talking for long uninterrupted periods of time before getting a response.

Dan nodded mutely in agreement, though questions burned bright in his eyes.

“I’m not really… the same Phil you know.” Dan was already opening his mouth to interrupt, but Phil held up a hand. “Wait. I’m different, yeah, but right now I need you to to trust me. I   am Phil, but one from a different universe.”

It sounded profoundly stupid even to his own ears, but he pressed on. “I need to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being an idiot about whatever I did wrong, because I know I would never intentionally hurt you and it was probably an accident- but I’m still sorry anyways. I’m sorry for getting you involved in my weird alternate universe crap, for trying to argue with you about things I don’t understand, really, I am sorry. The thing is, I really need you to forgive me.”

 The room was silent. From somewhere further inside the house, an old clock chimed out the hour, and Dan stood up. He moved to the window, opening the blinds a bit more, and sunlight poured in across his face, lighting up his eyes like fire. Phil found himself staring, marvelling in the way Dan seemed to almost glow. It was the sort of sunlight that comes just before sunset- not yet burning orange, but subtly warmer. Dan still wasn’t looking at Phil.

 “I just- You’re so ridiculous, I can’t-”

“Please.”

 Dan turned to face him, finally. “I guess I can forgive you for being a complete dick, since you’ve obviously gone completely insane, so I guess that’s a reason. I really just don’t know what to say.”

 Phil glanced over to Charon, who sighed and threw up his hands in a ‘fine, whatever’ sort of gesture.

“Thanks, Dan. Uh…” Phil didn’t really have an excuse for leaving, but it didn’t really matter, did it? He just needed to get out of sight for a moment, as Dan seeing him leave would probably be another screw up on his part. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.”

 Dan looked confused, but responded anyways. “Second door on the right. I’m not done, you know, don’t try to walk out on me.”

 Phil all but bolted out of the room, only allowing himself a moment to feel guilty before quickly closing himself inside the bathroom.

 “God, what is it with you and bathrooms today? Charon asked, appearing next to him and making him jump.

 “You need to stop doing that.”

 “Nah. Ready to go?”

 “Are you going to show up every time I leave someplace?”

 “Only if you screw up again.”

 “Fair enough.”

 And this time, Phil didn’t come back.

0̈~͔̤͍̫̦̺̩̔̓ͦ0̗̹͇͉̜̾̂~̳̠ͭ̀̈́͑ͯ͐̚0̂ͥ̅҉̹̙̼̺̳

[first sentence in normal text for anyone who needs it: (line break) PJ sat with his head in his hands on the sofa bed.]

 P̗̟̬̬̖̮̅̾̕J͇ͦͩ̄ͧ̓̀ ̦̳̒́̑̔͋s̘̠̎ͤ̈́͝a̛̺͇͇̦̭ͮt̜̠͇̩̼̓̃ͫ̃̉ͫ̀ ̱͉͈͋͡w̰̹̭̣̘̼̐͋͟i̢̍͒ͮ̔t̛͋̔hͥͥ̅͑ ̆̉ͩ͗̚ĥ͐̄͏is̾ͫ ́̆̄ͤ̃hĕͤ̈ͭ̀̔̃ǎͥ͗̄ͭ͑̑dͫ̅̓̕ ̌͂ͯ̄͗̾ͯin̒̄ his hands on the sofa bed. Phil hadn’t come out of Dan’s room since Dan had…

 Nevermind. It was definitely best to leave him for now. He deserved this time, to at least try to process what had happened before it all inevitably went to hell again.

 He suddenly felt itchy all over, like he couldn’t possibly sit still for another moment. Standing up as quick as lightning, he began to pace back and forth across the office. None of it seemed real. Phil didn’t remember a thing, Dan was dead, the alternate universes- PJ needed to think, to write. He tore down the stairs like a madman, thinking that in all their boxes of miscellaneous supplies they must have a notebook or paper of some sort somewhere .

 The lounge was generally a trainwreck, of weapons and bloodstains and containers with their contents strewn across the floor, only the table was bare and clean. He had scrubbed it clear of blood yesterday, in his numbing, grief-filled haze as Phil- the other Phil, that is- sat on a chair and stared off into space, knees hugged to his chest. PJ had left to get another rag from the kitchen at some point, and thought he heard Phil talking to someone back in the lounge, but when he returned, Phil was gone.

 The lingering bit of PJ that remained from before the infection had wreaked havoc across the world whispers that he could make this all into a story, if he tried. That was how he worked, turning thoughts into monsters and creating worlds where they could be less scary- at home, even, He didn’t have much time for writing nowadays, and this world felt so unreal sometimes he imagined he was merely existing in someone else’s plot, enough for him to not feel any need to write up his own story.

 But this, this was the opposite feeling- too real. The loss and loneliness gripped at him and demanded his full attention. PJ knelt down on the floor now, his searching hands turning over piles of junk as if on autopilot, half-forgetting what he was looking for in the first place.

 There was a crumpled sheet of notebook paper, from one of those flimsy, palm-sized notepads you could get for a pound underneath the grey armchair, He fished it out, pressing and smoothing the bent edges down into the floor to read it.

  • Only one Dan will be able to remember me
  • 2 months only!!
  • Universe from story? what sort of story
  • Demon might leave clues- keep him happy
  • Can do anything to make him remember
  • consequences?
  • Die in another universe die in real one

 The handwriting was Phil’s, and PJ would bet just about anything that the scrap of paper didn’t belong to the version of his friend currently upstairs. What did this mean, though? The numbered list was vague, and it didn’t seem like it was all there. Keep the demon happy? ‘Consequences?’

And was that a Matrix reference at the end?

 There were footsteps behind him, ones he probably wouldn’t have heard without these past years of fearing for his life as he had. Even though it was probably just Phil, returning back downstairs for food or water, his entire body tensed up like a deer in the headlights- or perhaps a cobra readying itself to strike. PJ whipped around faster than he imagined he could-

 The footsteps were not Phil’s.

 The woman that approached him now was probably shorter than average, but given her position standing above PJ, honey brown curls fanned out around her head almost as if defying gravity, she seemed so much bigger. He recognized her, from a long, long time ago, up until she twitched slightly, eyes fluttering shut to reopen black as coal, the hazel irises that had once been there might as well have been burnt to ash, complete with smoothly rolling coils of smoke curling around her kind face. She knelt down to his level, reaching out and snatching away Phil’s list.

 “I’ll be needing that,” she said in a voice like honey, before dissipating into mist.

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