Today my boyfriend accidentally broke the ear off of his dog statue, which he’s had for twelve years, and discovered another smaller dog inside… I have so many questions.
me, lying awake at night: john egbert hated himself. like, he really fucking detested himself. he fucking. wrote all kinds of awful insults on his walls in his sleep and his brain supressed them so bad he didnt even SEE them. he has like. a bajillion unresolved emotional issues but no one seems to talk about them, in canon and in the fandom. everyone is content to paint him as some silly jokester when he’s a) one of, if not THE MOST powerful character and b) horribly depressed. like, he barely left his house in that (admittedly non canonical(?)) snapchat epilogue thingy. he has a really deep and intruiguing character but everyone ignores it and idk why and it makes me.. smad
me, lying awake at night: john egbert hated himself. like, he really fucking detested himself. he fucking. wrote all kinds of awful insults on his walls in his sleep and his brain supressed them so bad he didnt even SEE them. he has like. a bajillion unresolved emotional issues but no one seems to talk about them, in canon and in the fandom. everyone is content to paint him as some silly jokester when he’s a) one of, if not THE MOST powerful character and b) horribly depressed. like, he barely left his house in that (admittedly non canonical(?)) snapchat epilogue thingy. he has a really deep and intruiguing character but everyone ignores it and idk why and it makes me.. smad
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed culls. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire Alternia armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this planet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Alternia and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can cull you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Alternia Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
As an atheist, putting my hand on the Bible and saying an oath before testifying to a court is less likely to get me to tell the truth than a pinkey promise
When my parents were fighting for custody, I was old enough to have a say, so they put me under oath to assure I was being honest with my feelings. Using my best serious face, knowing what was coming, when offered the bible to swear on, I requested to swear on the secretary’s hole punch, “because it’s far more honest. It says it’s going to punch a hole, and it does, best God I’ve seen today.” My mom buried her face in her hands, my dad sighed and rubbed his forehead. The judge almost choked on his water before telling the bailiff “find this young lady a hole punch!”
San Jose councilman
Lan Diep sworn into office with his Captain America Shield
tumblr archive 