askmerriauthor:

adurot:

prokopetz:

More dumb magic items for your D&D campaign:

• A sword that inflicts emotional wounds
• A hat that, when left alone with another hat, will mate and produce hybrid offspring
• Negative gold pieces

• A map that is the territory
• Armour that becomes more effective the uglier the wearer
• A living pocket-watch that never needs winding, but if you don’t feed it, it dies; it’s an obligate carnivore
• Goggles that put censor bars over monsters of the Aberration type
• An instructional tome in the secret language of ducks
• A dagger that glows in the presence of one particular goblin
• Angry shoes

@askmerriauthor

The Sword of Old Wounds
Weapon (Shortsword), Legendary.  Requires Attunement.
A battered old weapon covered in nicks and scuffs.  It behaves as a degraded weapon with -4 to hit and damage until it is attuned.  Once attuned, it behaves as a +2 magic weapon.  Enemies stabbed by the blade experience no physical wounds or signs of trauma, but are dealt 2d8 Psychic damage as the sword’s magic drags up painful memories.

Same Hat
Wondrous Item, Very Rare
A fetching cloth hat adorned with a single rose blossom in its band.  The hat may be left unobserved and undisturbed within 5 feet of another hat for the duration of a Long Rest.  At the end of the Long Rest, roll 1d20.  On a 20, a third hat is magically spawned into existence, appearing as a stylish combination of the two “parent” hats.

The Goldmonger’s Piece
Wondrous Item, Very Rare
A single coin that appears to be solid gold but with only a fraction of the weight.  A successful Perception (Wisdom) check DC 10 reveals it to be obviously counterfeit, featuring the image of a Rust Monster on its face.  If placed within 5 feet of any coinage worth at least 1 Copper, the Goldmonger’s Piece will animate into a Tiny-sized Golem and voraciously devour all currency it can get its jaws on.  It will consume up to 100 GP of money before returning to an inanimate state.

The Terraformer’s Map
Wondrous Item, Legendary.  Requires Attunement and Cartography Tools Proficiency
A well-preserved scroll that, when unfurled, magically displays the terrain and major landmarks within 5 miles centered on its current location.  Using Cartographer’s Tools, the map can be edited to add, remove, or alter features of the landscape once per day.  Doing so allows the cartographer to cast one of the following spells as a 9th level Druid anywhere within the map’s displayed vicinity:  Creation, Transmute Rock, Druid  Grove, Move Earth, or Earthquake.

Ugh Boots
Wondrous Item, Rare.  Requires Attunement.
A pair of tacky fur-lined leather boots that oddly seem out of fashion no matter when or where they’re worn.  These boots grant a bonus to AC inverse to the wearer’s Charisma modifier.  For example, a -2 Charisma modifier grants a +2 bonus to AC while a +5 Charisma Modifier inflicts a -5 to AC.

Clockwork Critter
Wondrous item, Very Rare
A small, silver pocket watch of remarkable Gnomish construction.  It is a beautiful time piece that never requires winding or oiling, never tarnishes, and always tells the exact date and time down to the second.  Twice a day – precisely at sunrise and sunset – the watch animates for one hour and bounces around excitedly, making clicking noises and flapping its cover like a hungry mouth.  It must be fed at least 1 pound of fresh, raw meat at these times immediately; the bloodier, the better.  If promptly fed, the watch will remain animated for the remainder of the hour and behave toward its owner similarly as a playful, affectionate puppy would.  If denied one meal, the watch will loudly ring an alarm chime for an hour before returning to its normal, functional state.  If denied two meals in a row, the Clockwork Critter will die, becoming a non-functioning, non-magical bit of scrap as it melodramatically flops over and burst into a spray of springs and sprockets.

Goggles of Mental Protection
Wondrous Item, Uncommon
A pair of nondescript brass goggles with slightly tinted lenses which fit snugly over the user’s eyes.  Any creature of the Aberration type viewed through the goggles appears vaguely blurry and with floating black bars superimposed over their more unappealing features.  The wearer has Advantage on saving throws versus magical or psychic effects from Aberration type creatures.

The Duckinomicon
Wondrous Item, Legendary
A lurid tome bound in the flesh and feathers most fowl… er… foul.  Those who dare to scour its secrets must spend 4 consecutive Long Rests to fully read the book from cover to cover.  Completing the book in this manner permanently grants the reader the ability to communicate with ducks and other similar waterfowl as per the “Speak with Animals” spell.  Once this effect is gained, the reader also has Advantage on all Charisma checks when conversing with ducks in their malevolent native tongue.  Attempting and failing to complete a full reading of the book curses the reader, leaving them only able to speak in loud quacking and honking until a “Remove Curse” or similar spell is cast upon them.

Gonk’s Lost Shiv
Weapon (Dagger), Legendary
An unremarkable dagger that faintly resonates with Divination magic.  When within 20 feet of its creator – a mischievous Goblin assassin named Gonk – the blade will subtly glow blue and emit a subtle humming sound.  The glow and hum can be halted with a command word.  She had that enchantment put on it because she kept losing it, usually under the sofa cushions.

Boots of Rage
Wondrous Item, Rare.  Requires Attunement.
When worn, these rugged leather boots cause their wearer to be irrationally grumpy and short-tempered with everyone and everything.  Their snappy attitude inflicts them with a -2 to Persuasion and Deception rolls, but a +2 to Intimidate rolls.  If Attuned by a Barbarian, the boots’ aggressive rumblings grant 1 additional use of Rage per Long Rest.