zodiac signs as shit dave strider says

quadrantconfusion:

Aries: my gaping furnace is hungry for coal so get goddamn shoveling 

Taurus: you just rigged the thing with an oedipal harness and rode its torso like a log flume ride down a magical rainbow 

Gemini: sir im afraid the comet is the size of your moms dick

Cancer: so lets all just sit back a while and shoot the shit and i do mean empty our clips into the shit, like really pump that turd full of lead

Leo: dudes be worshipping me left and right i cant hardly walk down the street without stepping over torsos of the prostrate 

Virgo: btw my name is Akwete Purrmusk hardest buttock in the jungle

Libra: this book is now like our fight fueled ouija board of cock

Scorpio: hey were gonna hunt frogs til you shoot me through the jack
then i die and youve got to make out with me

Sagittarius: im sure you know what kind of crooked ass baloneyfuck powers she got cant let her turn those against us

Capricorn: no fuck you im not caressing your dream hologram 

Aquarius: what is with girls and their universally constant tendency to rip out plumbing fixtures

Pisces: you dont seem to harbor any sympathy for the fact that ive burrowed fuck deep into lively fluffy muppet buttock