anonymous-understatement:

So a couple of weeks ago I was going through microfilm of the Charleston Courier from 1804 trying to find news of Hamilton’s death and I ended up going through about 2 months worth of papers. The highlights include:

• Distressing! Hamilton was murdered in a duel by the Worst Man In The World™
• There is land for sale on this island plz buy it 
• G. Wash was the best and we miss him very much. 
• Ok, we weren’t gonna talk about A. Ham cause we don’t like his political opinions, but he was so beautiful and we r v sad he is dead. 
• Notice: Someone invented a cotton processor. Buy it. Now.  
• We know you all want updates on Human Trash Aaron Burr but no one knows where he is. 
• A. Ham was presh but don’t duel, people. 
• Jacob literally put a poem on the front page of a newspaper to try to get Coy Nancy to go out with him. Get on Jacob’s level.
• George Washington wouldn’t have let this happen. 
• Here is an essay that breaks down a passage of Shakespeare, you plebs.
• Aaron Burr Update: He was seen in Philadelphia and he has the flu. More at 11. 
• George Washington was wonderful.
• Its not our position to say, but Aaron Burr is the literal Worst™
• Here’s a list of everyone who subscribed to our newspaper. Don’t forget to click subscribe and follow and we’ll mention you in our next video paper.
• Bob went to AHam’s funeral an tried to remember the speech from it and his friends think this version is p close, so here. Cry with us. 
• Hypothetically, if President Jefferson (bless his heart) were to die, the VP would become president. It’s a good thing our VP isn’t someone so morally depraved that they would murder a literal cinnamon roll. Oh wait.